Welcome to the Universal Cafeteria

All Catholics are cafeteria Catholics. This is a sad truth, and it is also okay. All Catholics are cafeteria Catholics because all Catholics are sinners. Not one of us can stand as a bastion of perfection in the light of the whole of the Church’s teachings.

One of the directors of the Catholic group at my college talked about contraception once. She said that it was essential that we follow our consciences: if we determined that contraception was good, then we should use it, if we determined that it was bad, we should not use it. She was half right–it is essential that we follow our consciences.

Yet there remains the problem that most of us live with both a poorly formed conscience, and an uninformed mind. Very few of my fellow students had ever read what the Church actually teaches about contraception, let alone thought through the issue with all of their intellectual resources. As a group, we lacked not only well-formed-consciences, but also attention to the rational reality of Church teaching on the subject of contraception.

We each formed our own little magisterium where we had the final say over which of the Church’s teachings we should consider seriously, and which we should ignore without question.

 

Yet another website claiming to provide Catholic perspectives puts up ads encouraging people to vote in opposition to the bishops’ direction.

On good days, I can accept the reality of living in a community of sin. On bad days I find myself drowning in my own sin as I respond poorly to the abundance of people who are just like me– good Catholics who somehow think that they are not sinning more by imagining themselves to be without sin.

Part of the problem is that we separate ourselves into little (or not so little) groups based on which of the Church’s teachings we determine are worthy of attention. Because everyone around us agrees with us, we get to pretend that our version of Catholicism is the authentic one, and that those who have chosen differently are the ones who have chosen, while we, we are the faithful ones.

A few months ago I happened upon a lovely post by Jennifer Fulwiler in which she expresses humility rather than entitlement about eating meat. The only problem with the post was that it completely ignores the Church’s teachings on this issue while simultaneously being offered, not as a personal journey on a personal blog, but rather as a part of “America’s most complete Catholic news source.”

Ms. Fulwiler ends the post by saying that she will continue to violate the Church’s teaching because she finds the burden of it too inconvenient. This makes sense to me as I live with the same failure in my own life every single day. The problem though is that neither Ms. Fulwiler, nor the commenters, appear to recognize that they are making a choice to ignore an aspect of the Church’s teaching as inconvenient.

The current official teaching of the Catholic Church is that it is permissible to use animals for the good of humans in the form of food, clothing, or medical experimentation. But, as with most issues, the Church’s actual teaching on this issue is nuanced. The Catechism declares that “It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly.” Yet somehow it is important to some to obsess over human dignity in the area of contraception, while simultaneously ignoring what we are doing to our souls when we casually decide that causing unnecessary suffering to animals (as in the case of factory farming) is okay because it is convenient.

My point is not to pick on Ms. Fulwiler. Her suggestion that people could reevaluate their attitude toward meat is of great value in nudging people closer to the possibility of being open to the Church’s teaching. The problem remains that it appears that neither the author, nor her editor, nor the commenters could see that they should look to the Church for insight in this issue. It was not on their list of “Catholic” issues, so they had no reason to consider that maybe their consciences were poorly formed and their minds uninformed.

Instead of irritating me, this should serve as a cold reminder of how likely it is that I too am living in ignorance and with an inability to naturally determine what is good, and what is bad.

I cannot live up to the Church’s standards. No one can. But what I can do is to seek truth and the healing of forgiveness in my own life. I can embrace the grace that exists for all those evil cafeteria Catholics out there–all those people just like me.

Catholic Fights , , , , , ,

Real Prayer to The Holy Family

Dear Holy Family. Sorry my brain is not working. Yet here I am, a part of my not-so-holy family. Please help me to be glowing and glorious like you. Amen.

Prayer

The First Principle and Foundation

From the Cathedral of Mary our Queen

The First Principle and Foundation
Paraphrased by David L. Fleming, S.J. (Source)

The Goal of our life is to live with God forever.
God, who loves us, gave us life.
Our own response of love allows God’s life
to flow into us without limit.

All the things in this world are gifts from God,
Presented to us so that we can know God more easily
and make a return of love more readily.
As a result, we appreciate and use all these gifts of God
Insofar as they help us to develop as loving persons.
But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives,
They displace God
And so hinder our growth toward our goal.

In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance
Before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice
And are not bound by some obligation.
We should not fix our desires on health or sickness,
Wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or a short one.
For everything has the potential of calling forth in us
A deeper response to our life in God.

Our only desire and our one choice should be this:
I want and I choose what better leads
To God’s deepening his life in me.

Saints ,

What I Wore Sunday: Dress Fail Edition

I saw earlier this week that the new blog Fine Linen and Purple is hosting a linkup: What I Wore Sunday. I am blessed in both this phase of my life and our parish to not have to think much about what I wear to church on Sundays, so I barely even mused about why this sort of thing does not especially interest me before moving on to some other site.

Then Sunday came.

And I wore the wrong thing.  I often wear pants to church, but today I thought I would wear one of my work dresses since they have not gotten much use because I am currently on leave.

I would have put more, er at least some work into my hair and worn makeup if I had been going to work, but I am currently celebrating the fact that I don’t have to waste time on physical appearance for church. Let all that is within me bless the Lord, if you know what I mean!

So I tossed on my RM Richards Crystal Pendant Dress (just snapped the pendant off to make it workable), Kenar sweater, and my Natural Soul by Naturalizer flats for a quick and comfortable Sunday outfit which I was soon to regret.

What I Did Wear

You see, for one reason or another, current American dresses tend to stink for Church. I can typically get away with wearing my work dresses because I am neither pregnant nor dealing with a small child. But I have seen so many women–who presumably care a whole lot more than I do about being modest or appropriate–have routine wardrobe malfunctions due to the perils of dresses. Loose knee-length dresses such as the one I wore today are some of the most dangerous. You think you’re fine, but suddenly you are showing half of your thighs. Thanks to growing up wearing skirts and dresses I am generally aware of what is happening with my clothing and know how to move around at work in ways that allow dresses to, well, work.

But Church is different. Liturgy and dresses are a match made in purgatory. There is a reason that priests wear pants underneath their long robes.

I knew all of this, and still ignored it. After all, I was not really thinking this morning.

So I wore the dress, and was immediately conscious of that fact when an usher asked Josh and I to bring forward the gifts. You know what that means, right? In our parish it involves a profound bow to the priest with one’s back to the entire congregation.

If one is wearing a skirt or pants and shirt, then the shirt will come up from waistband leaving the hemline relatively steady. But that grace is absent from a dress, which means that the hemline rises rather more significantly than most women seem to notice. Think of the Roman chasuble which tends to be about the same length as many women’s dresses. You know what happens when the priest does a profound bow? We all thank God for albs.

So today God got a simple bow from me, and I got a reminder to not wear dresses to Mass…

What I Should Have Worn

…at least not until my husband approves of my long homeschool-inspired dresses again.

For Smirks , ,

Wedding Music Drama

Kathleen Basi’s post Confessions of a Wedding Singer reminded me of the typical Catholic quarrels over the music for our wedding.

I have heard many a priest moan about weddings and how they dread to see a bride-to-be darken their door since it is the end of religion and the beginning of drama. I foolishly thought that Josh and I would be the exception since all we wanted was to get married, and to have that marriage witnessed in the setting of a nuptial mass. The parish that we chose** was one that I had attended frequently for daily mass, and as I had seen them tack a confirmation on to a Saturday morning mass I thought perhaps we could do something similar with our wedding.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

We met with the priest once. He was baffled by our desire for such a simple wedding and thought that I was joking. He told us that we were required to have a cantor, a musician, and two wedding coordinators. The parish would assign the wedding coordinators, and we would choose the musicians by walking up to ones we liked after a Sunday mass and asking if they were free to play on our chosen wedding date. The priest also gave us a booklet from which to choose the readings and prayers.

Josh and I did not need to talk about the organist since there was a dramatic difference in quality, but it took a few months before the one we wanted happened to play at our mass again. We had no idea about names or appearances, so we hung out by the choir loft stairs stalking our prey, er waiting for the organist to come down after mass.

The awesome organist said that she would be happy to play for our wedding, but she had not heard from the parish office and did not want to step on any toes. We were quite confused, so she explained that the parish office was in charge of assigning musicians. Presumably they had assigned a different organist/pianist/guitarist/whatever they wanted to our wedding date since she had not gotten a request. She thought they would probably be able to accommodate a change though, since we had a special request. The priest must just not have known about the updated way that they were running weddings.

Thankfully one of the better cantors had been assigned, since we were not about to request any more changes. We met with the pastoral associate/one of the two wedding coordinators and she asked us lots of logistical questions. Did we want a unity candle? We did not. Would my father be walking me down the aisle? No, we would process together.

The coordinator was supportive of our wishes, but she saw them as a unique expression of our individual preference. As it happened, my preferences had been formed by a few months of reading absolutely everything that I could find regarding the Church’s guidance and requirements for what was liturgically appropriate, as well as the actual particulars of our spirituality.

And then the music fights began.

We painstakingly went through all of the readings and prayers, and then Josh chose most of the music since he cared about that more.

Prelude: Come Holy Ghost Creator Blest
Processional: All Creatures of Our God and King
Offertory: O God of Loveliness
Communion: O Sacred Head Now Wounded
Recessional: Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee
Postlude: Lift High the Cross

I chose O Sacred Head Now Wounded for the communion hymn because I thought that it was a time when we would be receiving communion and thinking about Christ, not so much about romance. I also believed that our marriage would be pointless if we were not focused on the life of Christ. And so I chose one of the songs that could always jolt me away from stupid preoccupations and back toward focusing on God.

We soon found out that our choices were liturgically inappropriate because they were not happy enough. The organist said that O Sacred Head Now Wounded was not appropriate for a wedding. Clearly Josh and I weren’t paying attention to music and did not attend church much and were just grasping for any religious song we could think of.

The organist said that we could replace O Sacred Head Now Wounded with a (beautiful) contemporary Song of Songs inspired song. We acquiesced.

The cantor countered that we could not have the Song of Songs song suggested by the organist because it was not liturgically appropriate because the lyrics were about human rather than divine love. We also could not have Lift High the Cross since it was inapropriate to sing about the cross at a wedding. These songs were only for Holy Week.

I wondered if they had moved the Feast of the Exultation of the Holy Cross from Ordinary Time to Lent just for this parish.

I was not willing to fight, but I had to at least try to explain. We really wanted the references to the cross for the same reason that we chose to get married on the feast of Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. We were fine with just getting married on a regular day with a regular mass, with regular readings. But if we had to have a special mass with special music and special readings, then we wanted them to be most appropriate.

So I wrote an email trying to clarify:

“I can easily see why the version of “O Sacred Head, Surrounded” that I have heard during Holy Week is not appropriate. But the following verses are what I am actually interested in for the Nuptial Mass:

O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown;
O sacred Head, what glory, what bliss till now was Thine!
Yet, though despised and gory, I joy to call Thee mine.

What language shall I borrow to thank Thee, dearest friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
O make me Thine forever, and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never outlive my love to Thee.

My Shepherd, now receive me; my Guardian, own me Thine.
Great blessings Thou didst give me, O source of gifts divine.
Thy lips have often fed me with words of truth and love;
Thy Spirit oft hath led me to heavenly joys above.

It’s certainly not light, and I guess I can understand if it needs to be restricted. But, at the same time, it is important to us to recognize that a Nuptial Mass is actually a celebration of two Sacraments and this seems to express a thoughtful appreciation for the Eucharistic Passion of Christ. Since you mentioned that “Wherever You Go” is not appropriate due to its lack of focus on the Eucharist, I thought this might be worth reconsidering with the actual lyrics I had in mind. Also, it is funny to think that our perspective is apparently so “off”, but we had thought that “Lift High the Cross” was actually a happier complement to “O Sacred Head, Now Wounded” since it seems to have a more exultant tune and speaks of the “song of triumph” which moves away from “O Sacred Head”‘s more contemplative focus. ”

In the end they let us have Lift High the Cross because the words weren’t sung, and the tune was happy enough, and the organist won out with the Song of Songs song because the wedding coordinator took her side against the cantor. We got some random Psalm because they organist and cantor had never heard of the ones in the booklet the priest gave us.

The music was beautiful and ended up to be the least of our liturgical concerns on the wedding day. The wedding coordinator suddenly decided that we were required to have a best man and maid of honor (not required by the Church or the state) and also scheduled a funeral for the hour before our wedding.

Mass was mass, and we got married. All was good.

But to this day I have distinctly less sympathy for priests who complain about brides causing wedding drama.

**We had to choose a parish as opposed to already having one chosen for us by virtue of geography and parish bounds because we each moved multiple times while engaged and parishes like to have rules about being registered long before the wedding. Church logistics at its best, yo!

Catholic Fights, Marriage

Missing God

I miss God.

I realized that yesterday as I looked out at the shrine. People were gathering there for Mass for the start of the Year of Faith, and I was at home doing nothing.

In the past few years I have finally learned that pushing myself through pain is stupid, and that I have to be ridiculously gentle with myself if I want to be strong enough to take care of others.

But I missed Mass, and I used to go even when I was feeling so very much worse than I am now.

This is not a profound longing for God, just a basic human feeling of something missing. Of missing someone.

God is everywhere. I know this.

But it is difficult to believe that God is present in noise to the same extent that God is in silence. And how on earth am I supposed to find God in the clamor of others when I am still so immature?

For years I have watched women’s spiritual lives jump off a cliff as they lose themselves into the busyness of their families. From the outside it is impossible to tell what depth remains, but it looks so spiritually lonely.

And here I am.

Prayer ,

Faithful Citizenship and Catholic Guilt

I’m not a fan of religious movements that try to make the work of God into a series of now-or-never GOD IS CALLING YOU TODAY, AND IF YOU DON’T RESPOND YOU WILL LOSE GOD!!! moments. But sometimes in life you know that if you don’t do something now it probably won’t happen. Since voter registration is almost over for the November election I decided the night before last that it was now-or-never to “help” Josh fill out his registration form.

He was exhausted. He was sick. It wasn’t going to happen.

But if it did not happen NOW it would never happen. So there was only one thing to be done.

I walked over to Josh with the form and a pen and said: you don’t have to vote, but I am quite confident that the bishops want you to be registered, so you should at least have a very good reason to disagree with them.

He filled out the form.

. . .

I have a lot of research to do before the election. I don’t plan to vote in the presidential election and there is one ballot question that is very clear to me, but for the rest I am an uninformed mess.

Of course I do not really believe that my individual vote (or lack thereof) makes a difference, but there is the whole collective responsibility thing. So I will do whatever it is I end up thinking would be best for everyone to do.

Which, ironically enough, ends up sounding a whole lot more like Kant than Christ.

Catholic Quirks , ,

Augustine and Fertility

Saints

Sin Won’t Cause Trouble?

“God won’t give me more than I can handle.”

Have you ever asked yourself what you really mean by that statement? I find it is most often brought up out of the deep dark bucket of religious clichés when one feels panic rising from a long-nagging fear that one’s own failures are going to result in a situation that is precisely “more than I can handle.”

In one sense it is clearly true that God will not “give” us more than we can handle. After all, God created us for Eden only after creating Eden for us.

But we left Eden within three short chapters. And in this great world outside of Eden there is a hell of a lot more than we can handle. The very meaning of the first Curse is that sin brings about more than we can handle. And as fallen children living with the stain of original sin, we continuously live with more than we can handle. Like Eve and Adam, often convince ourselves that it is anything but the result of our own fault. We imagine that everything we deal with must be God’s own doing, the result of God’s challenging gift, and never our misuse of the gift.

To make things even more complicated, we live in a world shared with others, and thus shaped by the sin of our community as much as our own individual sin. Thus, even if we ourselves are free from all blemish of sin, we would still have to live with the results of communal failure to embrace perfection.

I would not dare to say that God will give more than we can handle  and I will leave the friends of Job to speculate about the difference between “giving” and “allowing.”

But it remains true that many times the declaration that “God won’t give us more than we can handle” is a sly way of asserting that “sin won’t actually cause trouble. Be as self-indulgent as you like, because you can count on God to get you through.” And that, my good friend, is simply pernicious.

Here is the truth: Sin will cause trouble. This beautiful world is sadly fallen. Religious clichés further damnation when they encourage one to ignore reality.

Uncategorized

Prayer For Patience

O glorious Saint Paul, who from a persecutor of Christianity, did become a most ardent apostle of zeal;

and who to make known the Savior Jesus Christ unto the ends of the world did suffer with joy imprisonment, scourging, stoning, shipwrecks and persecutions of every kind, and in the end did shed your blood to the last drop,

obtain for us the grace to receive, as favors of the Divine mercy, infirmities, tribulations, and misfortunes of the present life,

so that the vicissitudes of this our exile will not render us cold in the service of God,

but will render us always more faithful and more fervent.  Amen.

-Source Unknown

 

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